A song you've been listening to on repeat lately?

Surf by Mac Miller

​If you had a superpower, what would it be?

To revive faded flowers.

A fictional character you would like to be in?

 I would like to be Alice in Alice in Wonderland. He has the freedom to ramble. Falling to the bottom has never been this enjoyable.

​What's a question you'll always get an honest answer to?

 "Are you happy?" Because I would shape my behavior according to the answer I would receive and approach the person who was truly unhappy more naively. I would share the happiness of those who are already happy.

If an artist were to throw a party for you, who would it be?

Actually there are two artists, but I'm afraid of one of them. Salvador Dalí and Jean-Michel Basquiat. I probably wouldn't have lasted five minutes at the party Dalí threw, but it would still be a great party. I wish I could talk to Jean-Michel Basquiat even for five minutes. It would be delicious to be able to talk to him about my work. It really impresses me that he came from a very bad situation and that his layered works are still being formed even after his death.

​How are you getting along with Yeni? How and why do you challenge yourself?

I'm mostly interested in primitive period artists. What they call childhood-specific interests me very much, I do not like to stay within a certain limit. I'm already in a formal enough profession, I'm a lawyer. I live the rest of my life very formally. I love that when I sit down to make art, all boundaries disappear and there are no rules left, and it turns into a space where I can create my own rules, like the truth is zigzag for me. I work more like a child, messy and without rules. I think I'm only halfway down this road. There is a concept that Don Miguel Ruiz calls the social dream in his book The Four Agreements. Since that day I haven't been able to think of anything else. The point of awakening from the dream of society is like getting back to being a child. For example, you haven't seen the sun at all that day and you run out of cigarettes so you go out, while you go to the grocery store you see that everyone is going on with their lives, maybe you don't have a hangover, you put on your glasses, you feel like you have stepped into a different world, in fact, that is it, a dream of society, what you experience at home is what should be. It is possible for me to quickly transition to this state and return to my waking state from the dream with meditation. I'm also a bit of a hedonist. When I catch that moment, even if it's my wedding, I won't attend. I have drawn such a path for myself, the moment I want to draw it, the moment I am in that moment, I have to draw it.

​What is your study routine like?

I work in disarray. I don't sit around deciding what to draw. I start by drawing whatever I feel like at that moment, and when I finish it, I understand what I am drawing. Things that seem very unconnected can suddenly become connected.

How are you with the finished paintings?

I have a lot of work that I can't show after I finish it. Frankly, I feel the social pressure a lot. That's why I don't share all of my works, but after sharing, I don't look back at my old works. I don't think about it until someone asks something. It happens and it ends. I also have a few businesses that I destroyed. Sometimes I also need to destroy.

Do the pictures you haven't shared have anything in common?

 Yes there is. More work involving nudity or bad habits. I'm afraid that just because I painted this picture, they will define me that way. Just like they might think you're schizophrenic because you draw a schizophrenic. Even though I draw what I feel without limit, I feel social pressure due to the small place I live in and my profession, and I do not prefer to share these paintings.

What would be different for you if you were in a country where no one knew you and you would not feel the pressure of society?

 I could release some of my inhibitions about my production. Not being known by anyone would have a liberating effect on me, which would cause me to do better work.

How is your relationship with the audience?

 We can call my paintings autobiographical. Sometimes they can describe a situation of a few seconds, sometimes a 5-year process. for example, my job called Puberty at shopi go ART contains my entire resume so far. Even though it's not a specific event, I'm trying to give an emotion. Even if I awaken a certain feeling, I already feel that I have achieved my goal there. I like to explain myself. I actually think of it as a showcase. This is who I am, but at the same time, when I exhibit because this is who I am, when I can contact a certain point in people's lives, that's enough for me. I have no desire to reach a wide audience. At first, I was doing more realistic things, thinking that if I was doing this, I needed to show people how good I was. If I'm making a squirrel, they call it beautiful when I give every detail of it, a movement I made with a vision or some other way can sound like a child's drawing, I couldn't find support for it. Now I do it in a way that only I can understand.  Now sometimes I show them to people I've painted and watch them try and figure out who's who and struggle. I'm enjoying it more now.

Day dreams or night dreams?

I am a big fan of blue hour. Just when the sun is setting. I feel like all the inspirations are working for the artists during those hours. There is a terrace where I live, I spend most of the time from sunset to sunrise. I never wake up from that dream, I can say, it's at my fingertips at any moment. I also keep a dream diary.

Do you also use the dream diary when you work on your paintings? You're signing your name as Rosy, and Rosy comes from dreams?

Yes, the name Rosy has become something that comes from dreams for me. I sign my pictures with the letter R. One day, after writing down a dream, I said, why don't I draw this? In my dream I was going to the sea on my bicycle. I went from the beach to the sea on my bicycle and kept riding. At the bottom of the sea, I rode forward on my bicycle without stopping. Later I painted this dream. When I went on the internet to look at dream phrases, I came across a saying by a poet. The poet also said that he was driving to the sea. He said that stereotypical ideas sterilize it, so he drove it into the sea... So he was saying that I do the rule-based side and the no-rule side. The dream I had, the picture of him, and then the depth of what I encountered while looking at a simple phrase impressed me a lot. I saw how much I enjoyed it. After many years, I started expressing myself through art in this way again.

When did your first connection with painting start? How did you take a break? 

 When we were in kindergarten, they asked us to draw a holiday-themed picture. While everyone was drawing candy, chocolate, I drew a cemetery, and it became a very big event. They called my family. We used to go to visit my grandparents every holiday. I saw at that age how something I drew with pure emotions could leave an impression. I even went to a painting course at that time. My parents allowed me to pursue my dream world when I was that age. However, I made a high score in the university exam, which I described as bad luck. Instead of doing the job that every young person living in Turkey wants to do, which is a problem, I was directed to do the job that he can stand on his feet in a short time, and I studied law. I hadn't even told my parents that I wanted to pursue the art path. I was a little restrained at that time. I couldn't tell people my wishes, I was afraid of tiring and upsetting the people I loved. I started practicing law. Every day I was going somewhere I didn't want to, waking up in a place where I was unhappy. I've always wanted to go back to the past, to my childhood, to the years when I could really create as I wanted without being bound by any rules. I was stuck between the Decrees of my loved ones and my own. Therapy, yoga and art have allowed me to breathe again. it's been 15 years, I'm still drawing. People need to know that there is a way out and they are not alone. It's nothing to be ashamed of. At first I was drawing on canvas, but I was having trouble creating space because I was still working as a lawyer. I needed something portable to draw with. This is how I entered the digital space. Besides the daily obligations, I could do what I wanted at any time. Now I was a lawyer by day and Rosy by night.

In what ways are you different with Rosy?

Rosy is actually the part of me that is a child. Selin is the part of me who is a lawyer, goes to hearings, has to live a stable life. Rosy is someone who makes her own wishes and doesn't care. They both feed off each other. I know that there cannot be one without the other. In the past, I always wanted to be the person who was only interested in art. I felt like I had to the other one. Now I know that if there is no lawyer Selin, there will be no Rosy. A few months ago, I had another period of depression, I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to take a break for a few months and just paint. Dec. But Rosy was also arrogant, I really couldn't do anything. Selin's presence is what feeds Rosy. Rosy's presence also keeps Selin afloat. I'm not going crazy in office life because she's Rosy.

Is it a challenge that you think every artist should definitely experience?

 I think everyone should have experienced their personal rock bottom as an artist before they turned 25. Of course, I don't find bottoming out useful in general, but I think that once he has an experience on the edge of death, he should see the point where he can't breathe and learn to get out of there.

Photo: Duygu Yasa
Video: Duygu Yasa
Interview: Öyküm Pala
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